


Kripke Implodes at WonderCon

by BeaRyan



Category: Revolution - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Fake news report, Gen, Kissing, M/M, Meta, Spanking, best fandom is best, walnut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 05:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1457614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaRyan/pseuds/BeaRyan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today at WonderCon Eric Kripke, best known as the creator of the long running show <i>Supernatural</i>, announced that he was "going out in fucking ball of flaming nanite rage" and proceeded to, in the words of one spectator, "drop truth bombs like nukes on Philly."  Billy Burke later took control of the WonderCon Q&A panel. Witnesses report seeing a spanking, an orgy of kissing, and airborne walnuts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kripke Implodes at WonderCon

**Author's Note:**

> While I hope that Revolution gets renewed, this piece assumes that it will get cancelled.

Today at WonderCon Eric Kripke, best known as the creator of the long running show Supernatural, announced that he was "going out in fucking ball of flaming nanite rage" and proceeded to, in the words of one spectator, "drop truth bombs like nukes on Philly." Despite the phrasing, the spectator is considered a reliable source and several cell phone videos have been uploaded to YouTube confirming the event. 

The chain of events began on Friday, April 18th at the 2pm screening of Kripke’s current production, _Revolution_ , a post-apocalyptic, sci-fi, romance, tied-to-a-chair drama airing on NBC. Kripke quieted the crowd before the showing and apologized for "NBC fucking all of you in the ass by making me show you 2x21 when you haven't even seen 2x19 yet because their scheduling department is run by a bunch of pus-crusted cock-gobblers who can't stop sucking each other off long enough to look at a fucking calendar." After the episode aired, Kripke was supposed to exit behind the stage, reserving all comments until a 5pm Q&A session. Instead, Kripke jumped off the stage, exited through the crowd, and stood in the hall taking questions, much to the consternation of the security team trying to clear the hallway. Kripke told security to “back the fuck off" because he needed to walk into Joss Whedon's presentation "with a God damn posse so I look like someone worth hiring. I have a mortgage to pay and no fucking job."

At that statement, the crowd surmised that _Revolution_ might be cancelled and shifted attention to that show, most finally abandoned the line of questioning they had been pursuing about Cockles and Destiel from Kripke’s prior show. Kripke announced, "Everyone who gives a shit if _Revolution_ comes back should follow me to the can. I gotta take a leak. I'll tell you everything, but you're going to miss the animation thing that starts in ten minutes." The majority of the crowd dispersed at that point, however, some people did follow Kripke, who took large draughts from a 1 liter sports bottle during the impromptu parade to the toilets and at one point attempted to light a belch. 

After relieving himself, Kripke told the ten fans still with him that the fact that there were only ten of them explained the cancellation. He attempted to use phrases some observers suspected might have been intended as Latin words of wisdom, but others said he said, "Fucking Misha. Why can't any of those Revo-shits but Gene Twitter? Gene Porter, shitty MD, but at least he can use a fucking smart phone." Most members of the small fan cadre, including both who had been filming, left and Kripke continued to drink and mutter. 

Half an hour later, at approximately 4 pm, David Lyons, who plays Sebastian Monroe on _Revolution_ , stumbled into the bathroom propelling co-star Tracy Spiridakos, who was walking backwards, ahead of him towards a stall. Observing the creator of their show with his pants around his ankles as he vomited into a trashcan, the actor commented, "That's Kripke." Lyons and Spiridakos had no further comments to the four fans still present. Kripke was then retrieved by a security team. 

The Q&A with fans began at 5PM. It was announced that Kripke would not be appearing but Rockne O’Bannon, executive producer, would be appearing as scheduled. Word of Kripke’s bathroom antics has spread and discontented mutters were heard in response to the announcement of his absence. The first half an hour of the Q&A was, in the words of fan Jade D. Birch, “Boring as all fuck. They bobbed and weaved through answers so much, I got sea-sick and needed to take a goddamn Dramamine.”

Just after five thirty, Eric Kripke attempted to kick in the door at the back of the auditorium. He failed and was later treated for a broken toe. An usher opened the door in response to the knocking. Kripke then attempted to quote a pop song and sang, “Walk in like what up I got a big cock” as he danced up the aisle. He tripped at row J, landing across the laps of several fans. He stared up at one, the above mentioned Ms. Birch, and said, “Spank me. I deserve it.” She agreed and began slapping his ass. As the spanking progressed he demanded that she tell him what a bad, bad boy he’d been. She agreed to do so, later explaining, “It always had potential, but it was never a very good show, and he made it progressively worse. I really needed a paddle to give him what he deserves, but they frown on bringing S&M gear to a Q&A.” 

The crowd cheered as Kripke listed his _Revolution_ sins, moving beyond the destruction of Miloe and into confessing that he never intended to explain how the power went off so early in the series, “But the whole damn thing just got away from me.” O’Bannon attempted to deflect the anger of the crowd when it turned on him, stating, “Look at how great the nanite storyline became in season two,” but the crowd was not mollified. Instead, they pelted him with walnuts. 

Billy Burke, David Lyons, and Tracy Spiridakos laughed so hard they fell off their chairs. Once on the floor, Burke and Spiridakos gathered the thrown nuts and gave them a second airborne life as they, too, pelted the executive team of their show. O’Bannon escaped out a fire door and Kripke passed out face down in Ms. Birch’s lap. 

When something similar to order was restored, a fan directly asked Burke, now unsupervised by any member of his executive team, “Will _Revolution_ get a third season or not?” Burke answered, “What would make you stop watching?” The fan said, “If Charlie died.” Another fan called out, “If Bass died.” After a series of answers from the crowd, Burke said, “So we can’t kill anyone, we can’t turn the power on, you hate the magic, and you hate the politics? Why the hell do you even want an third season? What would you want us to do in it?” 

“We want Jeremy to come back from Canada!” someone shouted.

“I want you to cut your goddamn hair!” Ms. Birch, who had been stroking Kripke’s shining skull as he lay unconscious in her lap, called out.

“Okay, but _realistically_ want do you want?” Burke redirected, much to the outrage of Ms. Birch and the rest of the contingent of the crowd who had nodded furiously at the haircutting comment.

Eventually, the crowd fell silent until an unidentified person called out “We want canon Miloe.” Another countered with a request for canon Charloe and others provided other portmanteaus they’d like to see enshrined in canon. Burke said, “You want gay porn or you want an orgy? Make up your damn minds. That’s been the problem with this thing the whole time. Twilight was crap, but at least it knew what it was.”

Kripke, briefly awake, lifted his head from Ms. Birch’s lap and called out, “They want an orgy. Trust me; I’m on Tumblr.”

Burke then shrugged, looked at Spiridakos and Lyons, and ordered, “Kiss.” They did, and the crowd applauded triumphantly. Burke then put his arms out to Spiridakos and said, “Give Daddy some sugar.” They also kissed to the delight of the onlookers. The crowd then chanted, “Miloe! Miloe!” until Burke and Lyons also kissed. Said one fan, “At first it looked like they were fighting, but then it kind of morphed and got really fucking hot. It was so Kripke.” 

After the kiss, Burke said to the crowd, “So you liked that, huh?” The now rambunctious and partially disrobed crowd cheered. Burke replied, “Tough shit. We got cancelled.” Burke threw one arm around Lyons, one around Spiridakos, and the three exited together, giggling like horny anime schoolgirls. 

At this point, Kripke was carted out of the room, while refusing to let go of Ms. Birch’s hand and muttering something about chamomile tea and how much he missed someone named “Lambo.”

The crowd seemed dispirited after that, asking a few lackluster questions of Elizabeth Mitchell and Jeff Wolfe, the stunt coordinator, the only individuals still on the stage. Several people were seen morosely sipping from flasks. When questioned they claimed they were merely cosplaying Drunkle Miles. Asked for a response to the cancellation, one fan answered, “Fanon was always better than canon anyway. They can take our Wednesday night TV, but they’ll never take our gay porn.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Jadedbirch for a very heavy beta, including some writing. Without you, we'd be without Lambo, Hairvolution references, and commas. And of course someone had to spank Kripke. The things you do for this fandom and for me deserve a spanking of their own.


End file.
